Film: Date Movie Cast: Allyson Hannigan, Adam Campbell, Tony Cox
Director: Aaron Seltzer
What is a date movie? It is one of those things you do with your girlfriend if your intentions are slightly less than honourable? Going together to attend a Celine Dion concert, browsing bookshops for Nora Roberts’ titles, shop hopping in Commercial Street, all of the things you wouldn’t be caught dead doing otherwise. But now you consider them as mere obstacles to be overcome to achieve your goal. Similar motion picture obstacles (usually the so-called chick flicks or extra-syrupy romances) constitute date movies.
Date Movie, however, is not a date movie; it is a spoof. A spoof is one of the less illustrious, but still quite entertaining, genres of films. If made well, they can be riotous like the Hot Shots and Naked Gun series. On the other hand they can also be tedious like the Scary Movie quartet.
We begin with Julia Jones (Hannigan) and her intimate diary. Julia works at her family’s Greek diner. Her father is Greek (he is also Jewish and Black), her mother is Indian, her sister is Japanese and Julia is blonde. She is also fat, which is a hindrance to her romantic aspirations. She meets a date doctor, Hitch (Cox), who helps her undergo an ugly duckling-like transformation. The new Julia meets the handsome Grant Funkyerdoder (Campbell). Sparks fly like fireflies. Soon it’s time to meet the Funkyerdoders.
Date Movie is disgusting. It is an attempt to elicit laughs by whatever means and it is a failed attempt before ten minutes are over. The script is shoddy, the dialogues pedestrian, the situations ridiculous in a negative way and the acting terrible. The humour is not fit for a toilet and the requisite toilet humour is below the septic tank. Director Aaron Seltzer cannot claim sole credit for this atrocity of a film. Everyone has a share of the blame. It is a team movie of the worst kind.
If you take your date to Date Movie, not only will you not be getting what you set out to, you will also be spending the next few days being extremely lonely. On the other hand if your date liked the movie, I suggest you search for greener pastures, unless you liked it too. In which case both you and I are better off with you not reading this.
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