About That Humble Pie...

Disappointing. That's my one-word for this year's Oscars. Disappointing not just because of my dismal showing with regards to the prediction sweepstakes, but also because of short supply in humour despite the high-profile hosts, thorough lack of continuity and coherence in the proceedings, dearth of Wow! and WTF moments, and, as I found today, Farrah Fawcett missing from the In Memoriam montages. Now that I re-read the above, disappointing seems too mild a word.

Let's begin with my predictions. It was Hurt Locker's year, not Avatar's. I backed the wrong horse. And that swap meant four misses (Best Picture, Editing, Sound Mixing and Sound Editing). What remained was Cinematography, Art Direction and Visual Effects. The docs and shorts netted me only one out of four (The Cove) and that was because it was the most in-news. Music By Prudence provided the Oscars with its mini 'Kanye moment', as they are calling it. Too bad no one realised it until after they read about it. Due to their relative anonymity these awards are usually based on chance. I lucked out last year, was out of luck this year.

The foreign film category surprised for the second year running. No White Ribbon, no Prophet, not even Ajami. But an Argentine film no one has heard of. I am sure quite a few people were playing Inky-Pinky-Ponky.

There were four absolute locks: Up for Animated Pic, Avatar for Visual Effects, Christoph and Monique for Supporting Roles. I got those right. Yeah, so did almost everybody else.

Michael Giacchino (Up), Ryan Bingham and T-Bone Burnett (A Crazy Heart) heard the music they wanted to. Zachary Quinto's natural facial contortions won Makeup for Star Trek, while The Young Victoria was the only one in any contention for Costume Design. Don't believe me? Check out the last five winners. The Duchess, Elizabeth: The Golden Age, Mary Antoinette, Memoirs of a Geisha, The Aviator.

Enough has been said about designer Sandy Powell's alleged arrogant speech. Rubbish by the cartload. Hers was the best acceptance speech of the night. She did say, "I already have two of these, but I am feeling greedy." You find that arrogant, not funny? Define funny. But her dedication was sharp, biting and truthful. "To the costume designers that don't do movies about dead monarchs or glittery musicals... don't get as recognised as they should, but work as hard." She ended with "this is for you, but I am going to take it home tonight." How arrogant.

The Dude went up as expected and delivered a funny, honest and disarming speech. Next contest, how many "man"s were there in that speech. Sandra Bullock won. Damn. But to her credit, she was hilarious yet poignant. Plus she had the guts to go and collect a Razzie just the previous night for All About Steve. She rocked. But I still would have polled Meryl Streep.

The Hurt Locker trumped Inglourious Basterds for Original Screenplay, as I said, but Precious came up over the air in the Adapted section. That was a surprise. By the time Katheryn Bigelow went up for Best Director it was sure The Hurt Locker would pick up the big one too.

None of the "it will be very different" that was promised materialised. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin were not just not funny enough, they were not funny. The beginning monologue was done away with, but the duo-logue fell flat. As was the continuing Clooney looks. Neil Patrick Harris sang and I couldn't make out a word. The teen heartthrobs were mostly there, but kept messing their lines.

John Hughes is someone special. Especially so for many American teens in the eighties, whose angst he so truthfully depicted in his movies. Apparently. But giving him a separate section to commemorate his death was kind of like telling the others who are no more "you guys are not so special". The In Memoriam section missed out Farrah. And an Academy rep said it was intentional. Yeah right, how can you forget one of Charlie's Angels?

The Paranormal Activity footage of the hosts was unfunny. Ben Stiller was too strained. The horror montage made no sense. The introduction of the Best Picture nominees took double the time (I am a genius!). The dances for the nominated scores were pretty cool though.

Last year I liked the idea of five peers introducing the Acting nominees. This year all the intros were too flat, save Stanley Tucci's for Meryl Streep. One thing's it won't be there next year.

The networks say the viewership was best in five years. Wanna bet it's gonna come down next year? I never liked Billy Crystal that much. But he was the most comfortable one there. Will they get him back? What needs drastic improvement is the effort of the writers. If Ricky Gervais could fall at the Globes, not many have a chance. But as I always say, "Bring in Ryan Seacrest out of the red carpet and into the main hall."

But come what may I will be there in 2011. Something tells me I will fare far better. If you want to see me eat more of that humble pie, catch me in a year.