A Vintage Not Uncommon

Film: A Good Year
Cast: Russell Crowe, Albert Finney, Freddie Highmore
Director: Ridley Scott

How many times have we heard it before? Rich, successful, insensitive man-of-the-town learns that the good things in life are got away from the big, bad city, when man and nature commune. It’s a fable worthy of Aesop. So, how is A Good Year different? The answer – it isn’t.

Max is a big player in the London Stock Exchange. Insanely successful, incredibly unpopular and couldn’t care a hoot either way. One day a letter arrives informing him of his Uncle Henry’s (Finney) death. Max inherits his uncle’s estate, a chateau and vineyard in France. As a child, Max had spent many a happy summer there, but now he has no use for the place or the memories. He travels to France to sell the place, but hindrances arise in the form of Max’s illegitimate daughter Christie (Abbie Cornish), a beautiful bistro owner Fanny (Marion Cotillard), the chateau’s undrinkable wine, and a series of memories that refuse to fade.

I’m no Russell Crowe fan, but I don’t deny his talent. He brings an impishness that makes Max very likeable. Abbie Cornish and Marion Cotillard make up cute scenery, nothing more. The film’s best moments are when Albert Finney and the amazingly talented Freddie Highmore, who plays young Max, get together.

A Good Year is just an ordinary film. Philippe Le Sourd’s fabulous cinematography is matched by Marc Klein’s lifeless screenplay. Sensitive performances stand against immature characterisations. There is nothing in it to suggest that A Good Year is a film that merits the attention of a Russell Crowe. But the only thing that Crowe has done recently that merits any attention is throwing telephones at people. So, the twain get along.

A Ghastly, Lifeless Ride

Film: Ghostrider
Cast: Nicholas Cage, Eva Mendes, Peter Fonda
Director: Mark Steven Johnson

Man has walked on the moon, but he still hasn’t mastered the art of walking straight after a drink too many. Likewise, the visual effects guys have succeeded in making J.R.R. Tolkein’s magical creatures seem so real, but they still can’t provide believable muscles to Nicholas Cage.

Why are we talking about Cage’s false muscles? Because there isn’t much to talk about otherwise in Ghostrider. It never was a famous comic book and its Satanic references put a lot of people off. (Many people felt it portrayed the Devil as being too weak. I agree.) Stunt rider Johnny Blaze (Cage) sold his soul to Mephistopheles (Fonda) to save his father’s life. Blaze became the top stunt rider in the world doing incredible stunts but never getting seriously hurt. Until one day, when Mephistopheles comes to hold him to his contract.

Blackheart (Wes Bentley), Mephistopheles’ son has decided to take over hell. To stop him his father calls upon Blaze to become the Ghostrider, a kind of super-skeleton who is constantly on fire. Blaze must obey his bidding, stop Blackheart, get back Roxanne (Mendes), his old girlfriend, and save his soul. Are you still confused? Don’t worry, I am, too. And I have seen the movie and read a few comics.

Nicholas Cage wears a permanent bewildered expression whenever he is on screen. Eva Mendes wears figure-hugging outfits and displays a lot of cleavage, but is surprisingly cold. Peter Fonda should have sat at home. For such a ridiculous premise coming up with a decent screenplay was tough and writer-director Johnson doesn’t prove equal to the task. The visual effects are nothing great and we already discussed Cage’s muscles.

Ghostrider is an absolute waste of time and shouldn’t appeal to anyone but the senseless, jobless and drunk, which sort of describes the crowd I was with. If you are curious to see a flaming skeleton on two wheels then go ahead. Chances are you’ll come out saying Cage’s corny dialogue, “Feels like my skull’s on fire.”

Feast for the Eyes, Fodder for the Brain

Film: Memoirs of a Geisha
Cast: Ziyi Zhang, Gong Li, Michelle Yeoh, Ken Watanabe
Director: Rob Marshall

They say a geisha is not a prostitute. She is an "artist of the floating world". Her job is "to entertain men". She can be the wife to no man because "she is the wife of nightfall". But her virginity can be auctioned off to the highest bidder. And the story of the "eel and the cave" is a reality, however infrequent it may be. Pardon my ignorance of ancient Japanese culture, but if you take away the arts and music isn’t a geisha, too, a pursuer of the world’s oldest profession?

Memoirs of a Geisha, an adaptation of Arthur Golden’s bestseller, follows the travails of a young girl, Chiyo, from her impoverished childhood near the sea to being a geisha legend. Chiyo (Suzuka Ogho) and her sister are sold off when their parents could not afford to bring them up.

She was working as a slave in the geisha household of Mother (Kaori Momoi) when she has a chance encounter with the Chairman (Watanabe). The young girl with eyes "that had water in them" was enamoured by the kind gentleman who made her smile. But she couldn’t do anything about it. Until one day when Mameha (Yeoh), a famous geisha, comes up with a proposal to take Chiyo (now grown up and played by Zhang) under her wings. Chiyo is renamed Saiyuri and her journey begins towards geisha-hood.

Michelle Yeoh and Ken Watanabe have come up with amazingly restrained performances. Yeoh, in particular, is a delight as the seasoned geisha who cares for the sprightly young girl in whose eyes she sees greatness.

The ‘special appearance by Gong Li’ that we see on the posters is an insult to the great actress. As the rival geisha, Hatsumono, Gong Li is simply superb. She is the one carrying the film and is a marvellous foil to the younger actress. She makes you hate her for her bitchiness, but also pity her for her life.

The last time I saw an actress and said "beauty like this is a sin" was when I saw a fiery young warrior in search of her destiny. I say it again. And guess what, it is the same actress. Ziyi Zhang matches her fragile looks with a credible performance. Her character, despite being the heroine, is not very fleshed out, but still Ziyi brings life to it.

Memoirs of a Geisha (the film, at least) is nothing but a mushy love story. It is a movie of epic proportions, but it does not become an epic simply because the story is not strong enough. The screenplay tries to compress too much into two-and-a-half hours that the last quarter is too rushed, too contrived and too much of a letdown. The change in pace is very evident.

Rob Marshal (Chicago) has done a fabulous job in visualising early 20th century Japan and cinematographer Dion Beebe has given him the assistance to bring it to us. John Williams’ score is both haunting and soothing. The art and visual departments have come together in such a way as to arrest our eyes.

Make no mistake, visually, Memoirs of a Geisha is as lush a period piece as they come. Beyond that it’s just Mills and Boon. To understand the nuances of that time and culture you need at least a 144-episode series, not a 144-minute film, Until then you can tell me as many times a geisha is not a prostitute, but you cannot convince me.

Drat! The Fat Cat is Back

Film: Garfield 2
Cast Bill Murray, Breckin Meyer, Jennifer Love Hewitt
Director: Tim Hill

A wise guy of a friend once told me, "How would you feel if I told you I don’t like Calvin and Hobbes?" I almost choked. As words failed me, staring incredulously was all I could do. The wise guy goes on: "That’s how I feel when you keep telling me you don’t like Garfield." Oops, the secret is out! Non-Garfield worshipper in the house. But seriously, how can you compare Garfield with Calvin and Hobbes? Before this comic argument assumes Asterix vs Tintin proportions (we all know Asterix is far better), let us turn to Garfield 2, the movie.

When they decided to make another of those comic strips into a live action movie two years ago fans would have groaned. How could they get a cat actor that looks anything like the greediest cat in the world? The makers went in for CGI, and bad CGI at that, too. But largely due to the vocal talents of Bill Murray in the title role, the movie made enough money to warrant a sequel. Groan!

The incredibly dumb Jon (played with utmost boredom by Breckin Meyer) decides to follow his girlfriend Liz (the cute Hewitt trying to look too cute and ending up as not) to London. Garfield, and that insult to caninedom, Odie, hide in the baggage. In the Queen’s land, Prince (Tim Curry), the pet of a late insanely rich lady, inherits her entire estate. The evil nephew Lord Dargis (Billy Connolly doing a terrible version of John Cleese) wants Prince to meet the God of Cats as soon as possible so he can get the moolah. Garfield and Prince accidentally switch places. And the movie drags along as only one with two terribly fat cats can.

Bill Murray tries his best to keep this madhouse afloat, but even he sounds bored. It doesn’t help when his co-actors together cook up the blandest possible dish. None of comic creator Jim Davis’ acerbic wit (you have to give credit where it’s due) is on display.

As for me I’ll get away from here as fast as possible and try to think up how to take Rs 4,700 from the family kitty without the wife knowing and buy the complete collection of Calvin and Hobbes. Maybe I should take her to see Garfield 2. She might end up becoming a Calvin fan.